Part 1 of a series on sex.
I faked orgasms.
It’s a weird concept. Why is it so common for women to feign pleasure? It leads to perpetually unfulfilling sex.
I’ve masturbated to climax since I was a teenager, so it’s not like I couldn’t come. But during sex with dudes, it wasn’t happening. Which was awkward and confusing. I was taught by society that orgasm is the goal of sex, and that idea had stuck with me.
There’s a lot of socialized, unproductive pressure on men to be automatically really good sex partners. I’ve been with guys that need to hear that their dicks are all-powerful pleasure machines, asking me “How many times did you come?” after I’ve experienced zero orgasms.
For most folks with vaginas, it’s impossible to come from penetration alone. And in a world that stigmatizes women’s pleasure, it’s easy to feel stuck. Not having the right language, or the comfort in communication, or even the information necessary to work towards having better sex.
I grew up in a world that propagated the stereotype that it’s nearly impossible to make women come. That message is so deeply embedded in our culture that I started to believe it. “Maybe I’m just too complicated. Maybe it’s impossible for another person to make me climax.” I thought I could only do it alone, by my own hands. Which made me feel ashamed.
How often do you hear about women masturbating? Now think about how often you hear about men masturbating.
I also think there’s a lot of socialized, unproductive pressure put on women to focus on men’s pleasure during sex. Men want to think they’re doing a good job. They also derive pleasure from thinking the woman is having a good time. So our orgasms (whether fake or real) serve as a turn-on and an ego-booster for the dude. They become an almost mandatory performance.
Of course I wanted to enjoy sex! But I felt trapped.
Sex gradually became a chore. I remember thinking “How much longer is this gonna take? Is there something I can do to make him finish faster? If I make it sound like I’m coming will he finish? I wish I could just go to sleep…”
process &
behind-the-scenes
I’ll spare y’all my original reference photos 😜 The drawings don’t leave much to the imagination anyway 😇
I cut an actual circle out of paper to hold for the smileys. Not sure how obvious that is in the drawings, but it felt like a cute way to obscure my vulva while also adding to the story!