I get nervous when I have to meet people.
My new neighbour recently invited me to a get-together with some of her friends. They were planning a small communal garden space in her yard. Even though we don’t really know each other, she was kind enough to include me.
I was excited to meet her properly, and grateful for the opportunity to grow food right here at home.
But I felt conflicted about actually going. Especially alone. I usually have a safety blanket friend with me when I go to new places, or meet new people. Someone familiar and comforting.
Because otherwise, I lack self-confidence. I worry that I won’t know what to say. That people will find me boring or weird. That they’ll judge me. Or ignore me. And I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing, and have to relive it over and over afterwards.
I thought of not going. But that made me sad. I wanted to be part of this garden thing, and get to know my neighbour better. Was I really going to bail and miss out on these things?
After much inner dialogue, my brain finally delivered me a faint (yet determined) “hell no”.
I was going to be the only stranger in the group. In an effort to reduce that anxiety, I ran over to the dep beforehand to pick up a bag of Miss Vickie’s chips. As an offering to bring to the table. To be like, hey, I’m grateful to be here. And here’s the salty, satisfying proof. That way, it felt like the fate of the entire evening didn’t have to rest on my opening line.
So, armed with a smile and Miss Vickie by my side, I made my way over.
Every time I was introduced to someone new, I made an effort to repeat their name out loud. I used to feel too awkward to do this. And so I used to remember 0% of people’s names. But looking back, I think that’s more awkward.
My neighbour and her friends all turned out to be really warm and kind. After the awkward jokes and small talk, we ended up having really interesting conversations, and I had the chance to get to know a few of the people there. It was so nice.
I’m really glad I went.
We all have the capacity to be scary, but I think most of us aren’t trying to be scary most of the time. I’d like to try and remember that.
process &
behind-the-scenes
