There’s no life without death. I know that.
It’s not fun to think about. But it can be liberating.
I mostly ignore my mortality, because I don’t want to acknowledge that someday, my time will run out.
Sometimes I feel a sense of dread. I worry I won’t have enough time. There are so many things I want to learn, explore, try… And any time I’m not doing those things or working towards them with purpose, I feel guilty, like I’m wasting precious time. Which leads to shame. And that makes me apathetic.
I refresh my Instagram feed again and again. The days turn into weeks turn into months. And then I really have to ask myself wtf I’m doing with my time.
I think hiding from my mortality makes me hide from my life.
But it doesn’t make sense to think about death all the time either. That’s too much darkness for me. I’m gonna get existential, and things are gonna get ugly real fast.
Maybe just having my mortality in my general frame of reference can shift things back into perspective. And help me be more grateful for the time I have now.
I hope I get to live until I’m like, 90ish, I guess, if the world doesn’t end, etc. But there’s no promise of any of that.
I can take care of my body, mind, and soul all I want. I can try to make all the right choices. But there’s no fighting the inevitable.
So I may as well unclench my jaw, relax my shoulders, and take a deep breath. Accept. I’m not going to get to do every single thing I dream of in this life. And that’s ok. I’m giving myself permission to let go.
I can’t do it all. So I better slow down, chill, and think about what I really want.
Because I’m going to die someday.
But today, I’m going to live.
process &
behind-the-scenes
Some pixel skull exploration for y’all.
Also, I toyed with hand-writing the letters to give a nod to crossword puzzle aesthetic, but in the end, I caved and used Helvetica for legibility/harmony.